


Scars Of A Love Gone Wrong

by whiteblankpage



Category: Glee
Genre: Emotional/Psychological Abuse, M/M, Not Blaine or Klaine Friendly, Victim Blaming
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-28
Updated: 2015-05-28
Packaged: 2018-04-01 15:53:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4025860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whiteblankpage/pseuds/whiteblankpage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post- Glee, Actually. This is the conversation Burt and Kurt should have had. Kurt finally tells someone most of the full story and Burt makes some unsettling realizations about his son’s previous relationship. (TW: abuse: while neither Kurt or Burt ever use the word, Burt recognizes the signs in Kurt’s demeanor when he speaks of his relationship with Blaine. Victim-blaming is vaguely referenced as well.)</p><p>Heed the warnings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. part one

Blaine leaves with bright eyes and smiles, passing off their offer to send him off at the airport with a wave. He launches forward, dragging Kurt into a stiff-backed hug and if Burt could ignore the awkward the night before, the harsh light of day makes it certain.

Still, he’s got some form of manners still tucked away in the corner of his mind, and he knows to wait until they’re alone again to bring it up.

He suspects Kurt’s feeling the drag of his first Christmas away from home. He doesn’t expect to see the hard, telltale lines of wounded fury in the set of his shoulders. 

“Kurt,” he says, reaching out to turn him around. “You want to talk about that?”

Kurt visibly grits his teeth, breath punching out of him in a hard sigh. “What could we possibly have to say about  _any_  of this?”

“You’re angry.”

“Of course I’m angry,” Kurt says, pulling away from his hold. “After how we lost mom, you tell me you have cancer and bring my  _ex_ -boyfriend to  _console_  me?”

“He’s your friend,” Burt says, head spinning at the way Kurt’s hands shake. “You said it yourself just last week. I’d thought that maybe now was a good time to-”

“To tell me that life is short? To cherish the people I have?” Kurt shakes his head, looking dazed. “This is all just a _waiting game_  to you guys. Are you taking bets on when I’ll give in and take him back too?”

“Hey-where is this coming from?” Burt rubs a rough hand over the top of his head, genuinely stumped. “Are you really that mad about the bet? It was a joke.”

“I’m angry that you think I’m so fickle, so childish that I’d end my relationship with Blaine on a whim.” He stalks back towards the kitchen counter. “I’m not  _Finn_ or  _Rachel_  or  _Quinn_  or-”

Burt hooks his elbow with a firm grip, swinging Kurt back around to face him. “I know you’re not- you’re my son. No one- no one even knows what happened between the two of you. You came here, Blaine left Lima one weekend and come morning you’d changed your facebook thing. Was it the distance? I mean, you weren’t even gone that long.”

Kurt sucks in a shaking breath, bringing his palms up to press hard against his closed eyes. His exhale is too close to a sob for Burt to take. 

“Come here,” he says, reeling him in for a tight hug. “Whatever it is, you’ve got to talk about it some time. It’s eating you up, buddy.”

Kurt’s hands curl into fists in the back of his flannel shirt as he presses his cheek against Burt’s shoulder. “I didn’t give up, Dad. Blaine  _cheated_.”

Burt’s arms tighten, shock making his throat ache. “Wait a minute- what?”

Kurt sniffles hard, pulling back to wipe away his tears with quick, nimble fingers. “All he had to do was hold out for two weeks- I skyped with him whenever I could, we talked constantly and instead he went out and slept with another person.”

Sympathetic anger burns it’s way up Burt’s throat. “That little son of a-”

“Instead of telling  _me_  he was unhappy, instead of coming to  _me_ , he cheats and flies out with flowers and sings  _that_  song and tells me he was ‘with someone’.” Kurt visibly trembles at the memory, cheeks red. 

“Jesus, Kurt,” he says, still stunned. “I had no clue- why didn’t you tell anyone?”

“I shouldn’t  _have_  to tell anyone anything. You should have been on my side no matter what.”

“Hey, I’m on your side- don’t ever doubt that,” Burt says, even as Kurt ignores him and pushes him gently back to sit on the couch. “I never would have brought him here if I’d known. I thought the two of you were just having trouble with being apart.”

“But that’s just it,” Kurt says obviously exasperated. “What if I had gotten into NYADA in June? I would have been here longer, I would have left sooner. He said I wasn’t there when he needed me but he told me to go!”

“Okay that’s it- sit,” Burt says pointing at the couch cushion to his right. Kurt immediately drops down beside him, hands claps and fingers tangling anxiously. Looking at him now, Burt kind of can’t believe he missed all the signs that his kid was hiding a deeper hurt. “Talk to me. Tell me- everything.”

Kurt glances at the clock. “We don’t have time for everything before your flight.”

“I’ll  _walk_  back to Ohio-”

“You will  _not_ -”

“Kurt.” Burt takes his hand, squeezing tight. Their hands have histories, shared and different. Burt knows his hands are rough, calloused from working on temperamental cars, rough from throwing a football. Kurt’s are smooth and soft, always clean because he takes pride in taking care of himself. Kurt squeezes back like he always does; when Burt took his hand after the funeral, when Burt had woken up in the hospital.

“I always think my inevitable move to New York bothered Blaine,” Kurt says quietly. “We had a huge fight over it just days before my audition. He decided to practice what living without me would be like- without telling me.”

Burt tries hard to keep the anger off his face. “That’s unfair.”

Kurt stills, eyes wide, like he’s waiting for Burt to tell him he’s wrong.. 

“ _Of him_ ,” Burt shakes their joined hands. “Kurt, you’re allowed to want things for yourself. You’re allowed to have hopes and dreams that don’t fit with Blaine’s- or anyone’s.”

Kurt takes his hand back, visibly irritated. “I  _know_  that- I’m not- I don’t need you to tell me that.”

 Burt raises his hands in defeat. He knows better than to press the issue right now. Not when Kurt’s too angry to hear it.

“So what happened that weekend?”

Kurt shrugs, motions jerky with annoyance. “You know how busy I was when I worked for Isabelle. It was never your typical nine to five job- sometimes I stayed late, went in early. I was her personal assistant.”

Burt remembers worrying that Kurt was going to wear himself out before Thanksgiving but he’d thrived under the constant pressure, the never-ending work load. Phone calls had been a bit shorter, a bit further apart but Kurt’s happiness had been damn near been a physical thing. 

Burt knows Kurt had needed the validation that he was still good at something after his rejection letter.

“I missed a few calls,” he admits softly. “I tried my best to make up for them at work but no personal calls was one of the few rules Isabelle had and I didn’t want to let her down.”

Burt nods. “That’s understandable. I mean, we all knew that if you got into NYADA come December that this would just be a temp job.”

Kurt stays silent for a long time, biting his lip as he stares down at the coffee table. Burt waits him out, eager to know the full story and dreading it all the same.

“I’d just spoken to him the morning before, confirmed that we would see each other soon, that we’d get through being so far apart. I thought everything was fine.” Kurt sighs, scratching a nail against the knee of his pants. “He showed up that night, looking tired and desperate. I’m not sure that he would have even told me if I didn’t confront him about his odd behaviour.”

“You know it wasn’t your fault, right?” Burt says, unsure how to make this make any sense. “Faithfulness and communication are the  _foundation_  of a healthy long-distance relationship.”

Kurt doesn’t immediately agree, pulling a face and shaking his head when Burt makes a questioning noise. 

“Just remembering something he told me when we fought, about telling him if I’m unhappy. Apparently, _I’m_ just supposed to know.”

Burt scoffs, disgust lurking in the curl of his lip. “Do you know who-”

“I thought it might have been Sebastian but he wouldn’t tell me. All that mattered was that I wasn’t there when he needed me.” Kurt looks small when he speaks, rolling his eyes self-consciously. As if Burt will ever, ever agree that someone else’s short-comings are Kurt’s fault.

“ _Sebastian_? That kid who nearly blinded him that one time?”

“Yeah, that might have been more of a jealousy thing than a glee club rivalry gone wrong,” Kurt says. He tries for an awkward laugh. “He wasn’t secretive about his intentions with Blaine.”

It sits wrong within him, in his chest like the memory of the ache of losing his wife, the way Kurt talks about his relationship with Blaine. The way he takes the blame for the choices he’s never made and the sharp hint of shame in his voice.

He’s taken it for granted, Burt realizes suddenly, the idea that having a son meant he didn’t have to tell him that sometimes the people you loved were bad for you. Burt remembers the cold sweat on the back of his neck at even talking to Kurt about sex, the bright smile of the receptionist when he’d grabbed a handful of those pamphlets and telling Kurt to take it at his own pace because he mattered when it came to sex.

He never seems to think to tell him he just  _matters_. That if a relationship is taking more than it’s putting out, it’s harmful.

Burt feels sick, right at the core, looking at Kurt now. It’s easier to see he’s not calmed and grounded like he’s always assumed. He’s  _quieted_ , subdued so slowly and surely, Burt knows that not even Kurt can tell the difference anymore.

His skin itches with the too-small feeling of guilt- that he didn’t notice, didn’t see it sooner. His hands ache to fix it, to make Kurt better and brighter again.

“I’ll make sure you never have to deal with him,” Burt promises, his voice gravel-cracked with the effort it takes to keep his composure. “Just say that word.”

Kurt leans against him, looking too tired for someone so young. “You just focus on getting better. I’ll be- I  _am_  fine.”

Burt hugs him tight and never been so sure it’s a lie.

—-

I’m 900% sure this isn’t the fic everyone wants. The one were Burt explains to Kurt that this way of thinking, this conditioning, is unhealthy and Kurt spills his guts about every little thing Blaine did wrong and there’s death threats and tears and screaming.

For one, Kurt would never do that. Especially after receiving the news that his father is battling cancer. He never wants to feel like he’s a burden. At this point in the show and story, Kurt doesn’t even see what was always wrong- just that he’d been cheated on.

Which brings me to my next point- Burt recognizes that his son’s relationship with Blaine was or became unhealthy BECAUSE he doesn’t know everything. It’s a really tragic catch-22 where Burt’s able to be the partially objective party and recognize that this is a toxic relationship because he doesn’t know everything and him not knowing enough caused him to miss the early signs that something was wrong. 

Why doesn’t he tell Kurt? I think Burt Hummel’s the kind of guy who knows when to push someone and when he needs to back the hell off. Kurt gets irritated with him when he thinks Burt’s trying to preach about living his own life- he knows that if Kurt doesn’t recognize it was unhealthy himself, pushing him into it isn’t going to work. It has to be a  _self_ -realization; not a surprise party. 

Kadam starts in the next part.


	2. part two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Clarity comes in steps- from a bar, in the form of a friend, in the form of her ex and one night, in the form of Santana Lopez."   
> How Kurt comes to the conclusion that he isn’t fine. (TW: There’s an OMC and a scene in a bar between him and an OFC that could be triggering to someone.)

Just a few months shy of twenty, Kurt doesn’t have time for epiphanies. He has part-time work at one of the busiest fashion enterprises out there, full-time school at the most competitive performing arts school in the country and a very active social life since winning his first and only Midnight Madness. 

It’s rare that he has a night like this- where he can pull on his best _date-casual_ and join the Apples at their version of Callbacks for drinks. Adam’s gone with Praji and Tim for a round of shots, even if a third of them are still underage. Kurt’s leg is thrown over the empty chair to his right, laughing as Madison Ray tries to tell them her joke without spoiling the punchline with her giggles when a stranger walks right up to their table.

The air is heavy with silence as he stares.

“Madds?”

The flush drains from her cheeks as the man steps closer. “Keith. You’re not supposed to be here.”

“You haven’t been returning my calls, I sent you flowers- did you get them?”

Madison’s grabbing her jacket, hands shaking as Keith steps in again and Praji shows up behind him, hands full of tiny glasses of alcohol. “Hey- you need to leave.”

Keith startles at Praji’s deep, furious voice, eyes narrowing on the shots in his hands. “This the new guy, Madds? You moved on that quick? Are you sleeping with him now?”

“ _Keith_!” Madison snaps, walking around the table to shove at him. “Stop. Go home- you’re drunk and you’re embarrassing yourself.”

Clumsy hands reach for her waist as Keith pulls Madison close. “Don’t be like that, I’m just trying to have some fun.You wanna have some fun with me again? Like old times? Remember?”

“No-”

It’s stupid, the way a chill creeps up Kurt’s spine, even as Praji shoves the shots across a neighboring table and hauls Keith off Madison like he’s nothing. Alicia’s already steering Madison back towards her seat as Johnny and Praji manhandle Keith out of the bar completely. 

It’s stupid because nothing even  _happened_  to him. He didn’t even move to help Madison- who’s so sweet and shy sometimes it hurts Kurt- but he’s panting like someone put their hands on him again.

He feels shaky, temples damp with cold sweat when Adam and Tim show up. Adam immediately cups his cheek, looking concerned. “What happened?”

Kurt palms the hand on his face and tries for a smile. It  _hurts_  somehow. “Nothing. I’m fine.”

He’s starting to think it’s been a lie for a very long time.

—

Adam’s swinging their joined hands between them as they walk through New York City at twilight, looking so  _happy_  when Kurt asks, “who’s Keith?”

He goes quiet at that, fingers tightening around Kurt’s hand. With the simple joy of being together gone from his face, he looks tired, weary.

“It’s not exactly my story to tell,” he hedges but Kurt knows he’ll tell it anyway. “I’ve known Madison ever since she was a freshman at NYADA. She’s come up with all of the concept art for the Apples ever since.”

Kurt’s seen her artwork, seen the stripes of paint in her hair at rehearsal sometimes.  _Talented_  isn’t a strong enough word to describe her ability.

“She’s always been a little insecure, despite the fact that Praji’s been in love with her for ages,” Adam says, brushing his thumb across the back of Kurt’s hand. “In her sophomore year, she met Keith.”

Kurt shivers. He’s not cold.

“Don’t get me wrong, the man was charming. Maddy’s easily embarrassed but he was loving whenever we went out together.” Adam huffs, darkly amused. “Praji absolutely loathed him. We assumed he was jealous.”

Kurt tries not to hold his breath, heart trembling at the pause. “What happened? She looked terrified.”

“It was insidious,” Adam says softly. “How he’d gotten into her head. It took ages really but in no time at all, it felt like he’d stolen her very _being_. All of her work was either for him or about him, her art was darker and less confident.”

“She seemed so small around him then, and looking back of course, you notice the little things.” Adam tilts his head back to sigh into the night. “How he’d still her hand while she scribbled on paper napkins, how he’d flirt with the other women at the bars but grow cold when Maddy smiled at a stranger, disapprove of her clothing if he thought they brought her too much attention.”

Kurt tries to breathe normally, fingers aching and cold with despair. “Sounds frightening.”

He swallows down the word ‘ _familiar_ ’.

 "She wouldn’t be alone in a room with Praji for weeks, after he’d know somehow,“ Adam continues. He sounds wrecked still, at the thought. "She’d find any way she could to make sure Keith never found the two of them in the same place. Alicia- Maddy’s old room mate before she’d moved in with Keith- was heart sick over it.”

“What happened? How’d she leave him?”

Adam slows their walk, eyes speculative at Kurt’s voice. “Are you sure you want to know this? You seem…affected.”

“Mad-Madison’s my friend,” he says, but his voice catches and his throat aches for someone else. “Please just tell me.”

Adam pulls him close instead, arms wrapping tightly around his waist and ribs. “We tried to force her to see it and she quit the Apples completely. I know that eventually Alicia went to the counselor on campus for help but there was little they could or would do without proof that Keith was a danger to Maddy.”

Adam strokes gently at his back, hands firm and soothing as they slip steadily up and down his spine. “We’re not completely sure what happened but she eventually left him. Packed her things and met Praji at the train station. No one’s quite sure if they’re together but he’s been good to her and in the end, Maddy saved herself.”

Kurt sniffs hard, vision blurry. Everything feels wrong, like the world’s been turned upside-down and everything he’s known is two steps to the left of reality. Memories he’s kept as bittersweet reminders feel tarnished, boiled away until nothing  _but_  the bitter remains.

“I’ve upset you now,” Adam says desperately, tightening his grip. “Please don’t fret- this story has something of a happy ending.”

Kurt makes a low, mournful noise and admits for the first time, if only to himself, “Not every story does." 

—-

He avoids Madison.

Not because of anything she did, but because it feels a little like looking into a mirror. It’s not a reflection Kurt’s sure he wants to see.

He Googles 'I think I was abused’ and gets so many links and options he closes the entire thing down, palms over his eyes as he tries to breathe.

He wipes the internet history a few minutes later and forgets the entire thing. 

He’s not about to make someone else’s pain his own. 

Kurt has enough already.

—-

 _Madison_  corners _him_ a week later.

"I’m sorry if Keith upset you,” she says, gaze darting down before she eventually steels herself and keeps her chin up. “I’m sure someone’s told you and-”

Kurt takes her hand in his, he can’t not. “It’s fine. I’m so-” His voice waivers warningly. “I’m so sorry that happened to you.”

Madison’s never been as willfully blind as some of Kurt’s other friends. 

 "I was hoping I was wrong.“

It’s too soon to a newly discovered hurt for Kurt to take. "I don’t know what you mean?”

“You’ve got that look,” she says with a wry, sad smile. “The one that tells me you know  _exactly_  what I mean.”

“I’m not a victim of anything,” Kurt says but it feels false this time, uncertain. “I’m  _not_. I know better.”

Maddy’s tentative smile drops. “If you think all it takes is  _knowing better_ \- I don’t have the time or the patience to tell you any better.”

Shame burns hot against his skin as Maddy drops his hand and exits stage left. He’s beginning to think that he doesn’t know anything at all.

—-

He doesn’t even know how it comes up with Rachel, not really. One moment they’re talking about Mad Men, about toxic relationships in general, and Kurt finds himself asking. “Do you ever think any of our relationships were like that?”

Rachel stills. “Our- like  _Finn_? No-”

“No,” Kurt shakes his head so hard his teeth hurt. “I just meant- I don’t know what I meant. Not Finn. I mean, has anyone ever just seemed bad for each other?”

“Is this about Blaine? Are you going to take him back?” She looks torn. “I know he’s really sorry. I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

Kurt hugs her instead, feeling awful for the look on her face. “It’s nothing. You know I’m happy with Adam.”

Santana interrupts them with loud, mock retching. 

“So happy I’m going to miss your weird non-sexual romance. You know, I’m like a 100% sure if Lady Face were actually a lady, the two of your would single-handedly make this city even more gay. San Fran would weep." 

"Make good choices!” Rachel calls as Santana leaves. She sounds too sincere for it to be ironic. 

“Let’s see if  _Les Mis_  finally downloaded.”

Kurt volunteers to stay up to make sure Santana gets in safely, waving as Brody steers a barely conscious Rachel into their room. 

He’s stuck on a level of 4 Pics 1 Word when Santana stumbles in, smelling like a bar floor.

Kurt tries not to give her too harsh a look. 

“Oh don’t even start with me, all I know is that both of us spent the night with a girl and only one of us came away with orgasms out of the deal, I win by default.”

Kurt is gracious enough to uncap a bottle of water for her anyway when she starts beating the cap against the edge of the coffee table.

They sit in the silence, the room lit up by the bright of the moon as Santana sips her water and flexes her bare feet. 

“You know, it always bugged the shit out of me that gelmet sang that song about being cheated on last year.”

Kurt physically recoils from the reminder. “What-”

“I heard you talking to Rachel before I left,” Santana says with a shrug, as if bringing up private conversation topics is a favored past-time  Which, knowing Santana, it very well could be. “She seemed kind of spaced about it but anyone who’d willingly make the mistake of repeatedly sleeping with Finn Hudson has to be missing something upstairs anyway.”

Kurt stares down at the game on his phone but the screen looks distant, the back-light fading. “I thought you _liked_ Blaine.”

“Please,” she says, waving her hand through the air. “I don’t like  _anyone_ , okay? Fact is, I threatened to eat Cool Ranch Doritos in glee club every day for the rest of last year if Sam didn’t tell me what your texts said and he broke faster than that harpy Kitty's abstinence pledge.”

“Oh my God,” Kurt whispers, mostly to himself. Once Santana gets rolling, you either get out of her way or prepare for impact. 

“Look, you never cheated with that nerd you found haunting the music store,” she says, plain and easy. “Those texts were like watching two crotchless ken dolls go at it. A whole lot of nothing. You were about as interested in getting with him as you are with Rachel.”

“Can you  _not_?” Kurt asks, turning off his phone and pushing to his feet. “I really don’t want to talk about this.”

Santana reaches up and yanks him back down onto the couch. “Then listen up, Judy. I’m only gonna say this once.”

She takes a deep breath. “Look, if there’s one thing I appreciate about you it’s that you know how to be fearless. That entire town was shit to you, myself included but you never let that get you down. You just wore brighter clothes and sang higher notes, even if you totally looked like some sort of weird cereal box bird I wanted to stuff and mount on my wall.”

“Then you took off for gayer pastures and came back with a piece of stale arm candy from your grandfather’s old sweater vest and it was like-” She waves her hand through the air, the only sign that she’s still kind of tipsy. “It was like all washed out and muffled. Like looking at you underwater.”

Santana leans in close, her eyes wide and shining in the dark of the apartment. “People can’t live underwater, Hummel. They fucking  _die_.”

“You’re drunk,” he says, ignoring the way his heart beats too fast, the slickness of his palms. Santana shrugs but neither of them say she’s wrong and it feels a little like letting out a deep breath. Inhale and exhale. Kurt hands over two Tylenol before heading off to his corner of the loft.

He doesn’t sleep.

—-

“I saw you talking with Madison this morning,” Adam says after practice. He’s moving slow, hands deliberate as they wait for the last of the Apples to wander out of the auditorium. “I take it you’ve made up?”

“We didn’t fight.”

“But things were awkward,” Adam insists, swing his bag over his shoulder and stepping closer. He tries for a smile. “You know I won’t push for anything you don’t want to tell me- I’ll listen if you need someone to talk to but I just want to make sure that you’re alright.”

Kurt nods, chest aching as Adam does nothing more than reach out and grip both of his hands tightly. Steady, silent support.

His fingers clench as Adam tries to pull back and Kurt finds himself with too many words crowding in his mouth.

“My ex-boyfriend,” he finally says. “It’s taken me a long time to come to terms with the fact that he didn’t treat me very well. Madison tried to reach out to me but I wasn’t ready to hear it.”

Adam reaches up with one hand, his palm cupping Kurt’s cheek gently and he looks like he wants to ask so badly but all Adam does is slowly drag the rough patch of his thumb under the thin skin beneath Kurt’s eye. “And this morning you were ready.”

“I’m ready  _to be_  ready,” he says with a small self-deprecating shrug. He turns his cheek into the warm of Adam’s palm. “Madison said to give it time.”

 _Give me time_  is what he’s thinking but the sentiment is too close to a commitment for either of them to voice right now. 

Adam leans in, presses their temples together and curls close to Kurt’s body, a near hug. “I’m not going anywhere.”

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally posted: march2013

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted: feb2013
> 
> I’m 900% sure this isn’t the fic everyone wants. The one were Burt explains to Kurt that this way of thinking, this conditioning, is unhealthy and Kurt spills his guts about every little thing Blaine did wrong and there’s death threats and tears and screaming.
> 
> For one, Kurt would never do that. Especially after receiving the news that his father is battling cancer. He never wants to feel like he’s a burden. At this point in the show and story, Kurt doesn’t even see what was always wrong- just that he’d been cheated on.
> 
> Which brings me to my next point- Burt recognizes that his son’s relationship with Blaine was or became unhealthy BECAUSE he doesn’t know everything. It’s a really tragic catch-22 where Burt’s able to be the partially objective party and recognize that this is a toxic relationship because he doesn’t know everything and him not knowing enough caused him to miss the early signs that something was wrong. 
> 
> Why doesn’t he tell Kurt? I think Burt Hummel’s the kind of guy who knows when to push someone and when he needs to back the hell off. Kurt gets irritated with him when he thinks Burt’s trying to preach about living his own life- he knows that if Kurt doesn’t recognize it was unhealthy himself, pushing him into it isn’t going to work. It has to be a self-realization; not a surprise party.


End file.
